|
| 1. |
|
02/07/13 |
Poor |
 "...isn't a movie so much as a feature-length perfume commercial for a Charlie Sheen signature cologne with gorgeous packaging and absolutely nothing inside." |
| 2. |
|
10/12/12 |
Poor |
 "...the middle installment of an epic six-hour temper tantrum... Rand's polemics translate awkwardly... a second act of huffery and puffery doesn't get it anywhere..." |
| 3. |
|
05/17/12 |
Poor |
 "...a time-waster that lives down to its title.... singularly devoid of insight.... Hell, 80 minutes of John Waters sleeping would be more fun..." |
| 4. |
|
03/22/12 |
Poor |
 "...comes wrapped in the gauze of a teen romance/road trip movie... This isn't a movie; this is propaganda for the already converted." |
| 5. |
|
01/06/12 |
Poor |
 "...contains all the elements for a wacky parody of exorcism movies, except a sense of humor about itself... the laughs are unintentional." |
| 6. |
|
12/27/11 |
Poor |
 "...a film utterly devoid of merit, a dreary sci-fi slog so tedious even its own actors seem bored.... They're in a film that tries to make a variation on static cling terrifying." |
| 7. |
|
12/22/11 |
Poor |
 "...an appalling adaptation of Jonathan Safran Foer's novel... both too literary and too sentimental, cloying yet aestheticized within an inch of its life." |
| 8. |
|
09/02/11 |
Poor |
 "...lacks the tension of a good horror film, or the self-aware humor of a fun bad one.... 'Shark Night 3D' barely bothered to show up, let alone deliver the minimal goods." |
| 9. |
|
09/02/11 |
Poor |
 "Unpleasant when it isn't dull... Like so many lazy horror directors, Gonzalo López-Gallego knows how to startle, but not how to frighten.... interminable, intolerable..." |
| 10. |
|
08/26/10 |
Poor |
 "...hilariously overwrought... slathers on multiple coats of sentimentality, just in case a solitary moment of restraint or understatement somehow slipped through." |
| 11. |
|
07/29/10 |
Poor |
 "...unbelievable piece of shit.... The action plays out much like an all-human third-rate Bond thriller would..." |
| 12. |
|
06/30/10 |
Poor |
 "Viewers who see it in 3-D will pay more for an even shittier experience than the one they would have had in 2-D." |
| 13. |
|
06/17/10 |
Poor |
 "...every once in a while, a film limps into theaters so stitched together, it's a wonder it doesn't rip apart in the projector." |
| 14. |
|
04/25/13 |
Poor |
 "...manages to cram three hours' worth of nonsensical subplots, extraneous characters, and implausible plot points into 90 minutes of streamlined idiocy." |
| 15. |
|
03/14/13 |
Poor |
 "...the most embarrassing, hilarious, obliviously stupid movie since M. Night Shyamalan's 'The Happening'... Exasperating idiocy abounds throughout..." |
| 16. |
|
01/25/13 |
Poor |
 "...the most star-studded collection of jokes involving menstruation, flatulence, incest, bestiality, Snooki, and nutsacks ever assembled... brazenly tasteless..." |
| 17. |
|
12/24/12 |
Poor |
 "...hilariously dated.... the film's ham-fisted oscillation between schmaltz and scatology indelibly marks it as a product of Crystal's hokey, mothballed sensibility." |
| 18. |
|
12/06/12 |
Poor |
 "...a bedroom farce without the farce... a story of fatherly redemption that barely gets past the hair-mussing stage.... At every turn, it follows the path of least resistance." |
| 19. |
|
09/06/12 |
Poor |
 "...has no sense of humor or of its own ridiculousness.... egregiously, aggressively stupid... no classier than a florid primetime soap opera." |
| 20. |
|
08/02/12 |
Poor |
 "Elika Portnoy's acting remains roundly flat and affectless... her bravado in creating this crazy role for herself deserves a salute, though certainly not applause." |
